I did not get even an ounce of sleep last night and I swear I tried. All I could do was toss and turn for 6 hours until I got tired of it and decided to get ready for school earlier. I was planning on taking a nap now, but got distracted by thinspo. My muscles are aching, my bones are weak, and I'm jittery as fuck. It was not a good sign to have my hips crack when I got up from the lunch table at school.
Speaking of lunch... I skipped. Totally forgot to bring my yogurt and my butter toffees. Ended up playing with marshmallows (I feel like I'm back in kindergarten) and ate a handful of those. I checked the bag. Came out to about 80 cal. I'm also not eating for the rest of the day because of this mistake. But sugar calories burn first right?
I wasn't able to eat all of my cereal and had to throw the rest out after 10 bites w/ blueberries and a couple more.
My back is killing me. I need to build muscle. And kung fu, I am not looking forward to later tonight. I feel like shit.
Anyways, plan on taking tylenol before I go to bed tonight. Hopefully, that'll work. Or maybe I'll become the zombie I was in middle school when I first developed anorexia and wasn't even aware of it. I kind of missed those days though. I miss living in a kind of dream of mine, but I should remember that it was really a prison. I really don't know why I want to go back to being that person. I guess I felt like I had a lot more control than I do now or at least people thouht I had it together and the fantasy was way better than reality.
I'm sorry I'm going to mention this again, but I have to keep track of my health because I am susceptible to colon cancer. So I watch my bowel movements and make an effort to eat tons of fiber. Anyways, I had a pretty decent bowel movement today. Came out in tiny balls though which is a sign of constipation. I wish I could have squeezed it out more.
Going to try and get a nap before my friend gets here now.
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