The day is finally coming to an end and I will have gotten through my first day of fasting. It was trivial I must say. I was very tempted to take my mother up on the offer of going out for some chinese. I don't know how I was able to escape that one.
I bought these amazing packets of Kellogg's protein water mix (pink lemonade). I think they really do help with curbing hunger. Has 30 cal, 5g protein, and 5g of fiber in each packet for 1 bottle of water. I try and drink at least 3 bottles of water a day so if I were to use 1 on every bottle, would only have 90 cal/day. I can deal with that number. Plus, being able to flavor the water makes it easier to swallow the vitamins I have to take. It really is a dream come true, it's almost like they made the product specifically for anorexics.
I also took my daily cold shower. I try and stay in the cold for 15 min to get my metabolism working harder. Then I remember lanugo and how that scared me so bad into recovery, but now that I think back to it. I don't care. I really don't think people are going to notice the fuzz when they're staring at my bones. :)
I keep thinking back to all the compliments and attention I got when I got down to 130lbs. I want that again so bad!!
I've decided I don't care about love, sex, or boys anymore. I just want to focus on me from now on. I want to graduate, go to college, and be the best person I can be. And this way, I don't have anyone holding me back from my dreams.
I also went for a walk for about 30 min. My mom decided to come with me, which wasn't too bad. This way she doesn't get too suspicious either.
The one thing I'm disappointed about is having procrastinated the entire day and not gotten a single page of homework done. Tomorrow, I have to work! I am not going to sit around all day and wait for night to come like I did today. I don't think fasting will be on my mind as much tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll be more clear-minded.
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